CROSSING THE MINEFIELD The Same Sex Relationships Debate - An Ordinary Evangelical’s Journey

CROSSING THE MINEFIELD

The Same Sex Relationships Debate - An Ordinary Evangelical’s Journey

Part One – A 40 Year Journey

 

In these pieces I’m looking at my own near 40 year journey with the issue of same sex relationships. There are plenty of more scholarly pieces out there and plenty of more heart-rending, mind-blowing testimonies. This is just a summation of a very ordinary evangelical Christian’s search for truth on this important issue. I offer up what I’ve found in case others find any of it helps them on their own journeys. 

Same sex relationships is an issue for churches today like no other, because of how it directly impacts the lives of millions. It’s a minefield of an issue for churches, threatening to blow apart congregations and even whole denominations. And for many gay or bisexual people it’s a literal life and death issue. For traditionalists, "practicing homosexuals" are heading for hell unless they repent. Revisionists see the painful rejection many gays and lesbians have experienced has pushed them into deep depression and attempted or actual suicide. It's caused many more to simply reject a gospel they believe has already rejected them.

 

Little wonder many Christians and many church leaders want to keep as far away from the minefield as possible, terrified that if they enter it they’ll see themselves or others blown to pieces. 

But people are dying out there and I believe our God calls on us, not to sit on the fence, but help Him save them by removing the mines. As a very ordinary evangelical Christian, for nearly 40 years I’ve journeyed across this minefield, trying to hear our Lord’s instruction. And I’ve ended up crossing the minefield in both directions.

I've come to this issue with no particular sword to sharpen. I’m very much heterosexual. Although I’ve known a number of gay and lesbian people, none of them have yet become close friends or family. And neither my upbringing nor my early church experience gave me any strong steer on this issue

I’ve never been afraid to take positions that might clash with expected orthodoxy. And I’ve always been prepared to be pretty vocal in expressing those views, even when (maybe especially when!) I know others will disagree with me. 

 

For example, in my late 30s I was one of only two members of an Anglican church PCC who voted to veto any appointment of a woman priest on the grounds I considered this contrary to scripture (not a view I hold now!)

But I’ve always been prepared to re-examine my views when presented with evidence challenging them. And my examination of the evidence has sometimes led me to change those views and openly admit I’d got it wrong.

 

For example, over nearly 40 years I’ve changed from being an evolutionist to a young earth creationist and now somewhere in between, and from being a strong opponent to women even teaching in church to being very happy to be led by a female pastor. Yet all the while I’ve held the same high view of scripture.

In exploring different issues I’ve earnestly sought to be guided by what I believe God is saying through His Word. I’m not a theologian (a 38 year old A level in Religious Studies really doesn’t count!). I’m just an ordinary evangelical Christian who fully accepts the Bible, as originally written, as God’s inerrant, authoritative word for our lives: “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness …” (2 Timothy 3: 16 NIV).  

 

But I’m also very aware that His word is “the sword of the Spirit” (Ephesians 6:17 NIV). And we should always use His word alongside the other great gift He sent to guide us, His Holy Spirit, “the Counsellor” (John 14: 26 & 16: 7 RSV), who “will guide you into all the truth …” (John 16: 13 RSV). To try to use one of those gifts without the other is like trying to use an arrow without its bow. We won’t hit the truth target without using both together.

I’d been brought up by my mum to believe in Jesus and was confirmed aged 13. (I even believe I experienced at that time a divine calling to be a writer). I fell away from any commitment around the time my parents divorced. But at 16 I gave my life back to Him, along with my brother and best friend. He had drawn me back through an Anglican youth group, led by some lovely, gentle charismatic Christians. (Oh, and as well as Jesus I met there my gorgeous girlfriend, who later became my wife).

At that time my understanding of what scripture said on any issue  came from just one version: the 1984 edition of the NIV. Although it actually stands for the New International Version, as far as I was concerned it was the Nearly Infallible Version! I can remember my condescending disapproval of those in our youth group, including my girlfriend, who preferred the “kid’s version”, the Good New Bible. I also had no time for the old Authorised, King James, Version, because it spoke in an outdated language that alienated a modern audience. Whereas the NIV was just as accurate, being based on the latest research, but using modern English. And, after all, it was even endorsed by the man who’d introduced myself, my brother and best friend to "the truth" of Calvinism! (Much to the alarm of our youth leaders).

This was several years before the Internet was invented (yes, I am that old!). So there was no option to check different versions on the bible app on your phone and no ready access to guidance on interpreting scripture, alternative views or historical context. Other than my trusty NIV, my guidance came from discussions with others at church, my IVP New Bible Commentary and the odd conservative/Calvinist/charismatic books and audiotapes I was leant.

So my exploration of same sex relationships and other issues was all based on these limited sources. Of course, the Holy Spirit was in there too somewhere, but it wasn’t always clear to me when He was speaking or what He was saying.

When I looked at my trusty NIV, the Bible was very clear about same sex relationships. The Old Testament had not only strictly banned sexual acts between men, it told us God found them "detestable" (Leviticus 18: 22). Jesus had said nothing to reverse that. In fact, the New Testament went further, because it extended the strict ban on same sex acts to women, as Paul clearly warned that "homosexual offenders ... will NOT inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9). So, there was no distinction between male and female homosexual acts.  

And my girlfriend's Good News Bible, if anything, was even more damning. It not only said homosexuals wouldn't "possess God's kingdom" but described them as "perverts". So, the bible was clear that a homosexual lifestyle was the sort of serious sin addiction that went to the heart of your life. It was like with the rich young ruler addicted to his riches, which Jesus required him to give up before he followed Him. Unless gay people repented of their own sinful lifestyle they couldn’t become Christians and were headed for hell. It wasn’t a conversation I relished having with a gay person, but luckily I didn’t know any.

I discussed the issue with my brother and best friend. We were all in no doubt that God told us through His word that gay sex was fundamentally wrong and must be repented of to be saved. This also fitted with what we instinctively felt was right. So, that must be the Holy Spirit confirming this as true, right?

By contrast, I felt rather less comfortable about banning women from teaching or leading in church. This was quite a topical issue in my home church, with the Church of England then debating the issue of women priests. Our rector and youth leaders were very pro-reform. Yet I had no choice but to oppose women priests, or even preachers, because that’s what scripture told us: “I do not permit a woman to teach.” (1 Timothy 2:12)  And I understood God had made men and women to be complimentary partners, with men dominant over women in both marriage and the church. So marriage could only ever be between a man and a woman, and women  should never preach or lead in church. I saw that this was all part of God’s natural order. And I also saw a clear biblical connection between women in leadership and homosexuality; neither had a place in this divine natural order.

So, in 1985 I’d no doubt it was impossible for gay people to be saved unless they’d repented of all homosexual activity. 

 

In 1986 I started my law degree at Nottingham University. I found all fellow Christians there shared this same "biblical" view of homosexuality - both at the Christian Union and my church, Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church.

I also soon “learned” what made people gay or bisexual or even want to change their gender. Contrary to “the myth” the pro-gay lobby taught, people were not born that way. They were made that way through childhood experiences: difficult relationships with one or more parent or childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse. Of course, in the absence of the yet-to-be born internet I had no ready means of checking any research to support that theory. I also didn’t know anyone who was gay (as far as I was aware). So, I really had no frame of reference.

But this "unarguable biblical" and "common sense" view against homosexuality was now coming under serious attack from opponents of the gospel. They were actively promoting acceptance of a gay lifestyle, even trying to spread this "moral disease" to children, wanting homosexual couples to adopt children of their own. I spoke out strongly against this in my family law tutorials. I got the expected hostile reaction from some fellow students. But I quite enjoyed taking the flack “for the sake of the gospel”.

And the whole homosexuality issue was becoming a real political battleground. As a social democrat normally I couldn’t stand Maggie Thatcher’s policies. She elevated the greedy rich higher and trampled the poor down lower, quite contrary to the biblical priorities of helping the poor and oppressed. But I had to admit she’d got one thing right – clause 28 of her Local Government Bill that would ban local authorities from promoting homosexuality.

In one of his hour long sermons our church’s senior minister, Peter Lewis, roundly condemned a very dangerous book apparently being read in London primary schools, Jenny lives with Eric and Martin. Cornerstone wasn’t the sort of church where people normally shouted “Amen” in response to the sermon. You had to go to T Street Pentecostal Church if you wanted to do that sort of thing. But I nodded very firmly in agreement. 

And (to my shame) I was becoming increasingly convinced God had sent AIDS as a gay plague, a view I openly shared.

But by 2015, I’d come to see things very differently. In the 30 years between 1985 and 2015 my faith in Jesus and His word had remained solid. I was even still a Calvinist (well kind of), still believed in a historical Adam and Eve (but 10,000s of years ago). And I still believed that everyone who rejects Jesus is headed for eternal destruction (but not eternal conscious torment). But during that time my understanding of what God thinks about same sex relationships had transformed.

I’d come to believe:

• God had originally made men and women to be similar, equal, mutually supportive life partners, albeit biologically capable of procreation.
• It was only after and because of the Fall that women were made subservient to men.
• The Fall also fractured and changed the original created order. So e.g. some people were born deaf or with 12 fingers or with a same-sex orientation, i.e., gay or bisexual.
• Most people, whether straight, gay or bisexual, still had the same God-designed need as Adam and Eve for a permanent life partner, including a sexual relationship, i.e. marriage.
• Christ’s death and resurrection has brought a new kingdom, abolishing the law and ultimately restoring men and women to full equality (although it took time to get there).
• Celibacy is a higher calling, but  only for the minority who have a special gift, and not to be forced on anyone.
• Marriage is the way most people are called to do life and is particularly recommended to prevent sexual sin.
• The Old Testament certainly did condemn as an abomination all sexual activities between men, but it condemned in similar terms various activities Christians regard as normal and Christ’s death lifted the law's strict requirements 
• The only same sex activities  condemned in the New Testament were abusive, promiscuous acts between men, often associated with religious idolatry
•  Very probably no part of scripture said anything at all about all female sexual relations.
• The Bible’s writers knew nothing of same-sex orientation and never addressed the issue of same sex marriage.
• However, in Christ’s new kingdom marriage between same sex couples is permissible because they can fulfill His new higher law of love, the essence of marriage no longer requires dominant/subservient partners nor procreation and in Him there is "no male and female".
• The ultimate scriptural test true or false teaching is the teaching's fruit. Overwhelming the fruit of traditional marriage teaching has been bad for gay people and others; the fruit of inclusive marriage teaching has been good.

    So, what led to that huge change? I believe it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, but certainly not in some sudden Damascus road revelation. It happened gradually, but with hindsight these were some of the key interventions causing me to question my position:

 

•      In 1990 my brother lost his once fervent faith after getting in with “the wrong crowd”. One of the thoughts that turned him away was: how could he believe in a God who hated gay people when He must have made them that way?
•      In 1999 the shocking news that Roy Clements, the leading evangelical preacher, who’d baptized my wife and best friend, had left his wife and children for another man.
•      In 2003 two eye-opening experiences at Spring Harvest during talks about same sex relationships: a gay woman, visibly hurt by the traditionalist message, asked me, “but what if you’re just born that way?” Andrew Marin’s surprising testimony about his ministry bringing gay couples to Christ without leaving their partners.
•      The following year my even more surprising experience of helping lead a gay man to Christ and finding what God needed to change in his life wasn’t his relationship with his boyfriend but his relationship with alcohol.
•      Between 2005 and 2011 discovering I’d misread the Bible’s true message about the role of women.
•      From 2013 onwards my (heterosexual) teenage daughter’s challenges about whether I’d also misread the Bible’s true message about same sex relationships.

These challenges caused me to look much more deeply into what God’s word actually said; not simply the word as sometimes inaccurately translated in our modern translations, but what the original Greek and Hebrew meant in its context at its time. This was essential to then understand how the Holy Spirit, our counsellor, means for us to apply it today. This also involved a clearer understanding of the dynamic nature of God’s word. God’s truths revealed in His word are eternal, but God always intended that the application of those truths should expand.

The biggest transformation of course came with Christ’s death and resurrection, fulfilling the old way of the law and leading to the outpouring of His Spirit. But even after Pentecost, in the New Testament we see the ongoing expansion of God’s kingdom on Earth, not just numerically but in transforming old structures and roles; accepting eunuchs, ending the division between Jews and Gentiles, the increasing emancipation of women and early pointers to liberating slaves. 

And His word and His spirit have remained dynamic. He did not intend for us to be stuck in a first century social time warp, with men keeping slaves and dominating women. And so since then Christians, heeding His Holy Spirit, have read in His word calls to further transform society by fully emancipating women, abolishing slavery, and relieving poverty. Even as much of our world darkens, I came to see He wants us to pray and work to bring His light to the Earth’s darkened corners and liberate more captives. And I came to believe that He is now calling us to liberate LGBTQ+ people from the exclusion and oppression they have suffered from the church and wider society. 

My final change of view came in 2015 through a book my daughter challenged me to read: Matthew Vines’ God and the Gay Christian. This has since become the “go-to” apologetic for revisionists and the “deceptive devil's work” for traditionalists, for many of whom its very title contradicts scripture.

I wouldn’t say I found he'd got everything 100% right, but a good 95%. I'm deferring discussion of his case and my conclusions for now. But I'd recommend reading his book for yourself, rather than relying on what others report and (sometimes) misreport. And read it with an open mind, as I did, asking the Holy Spirit to guide you into truth.

What I found was a very carefully and prayerfully researched book, written very accessibly with balance and sensitivity. Matthew, like me, is no theologian, but the person that spoke from these pages was clearly a very intelligent, Christ-centred, bible-focused young man, who also happened to be a (single) gay man (and with an excellent relationship with both his parents by the way).

It felt like Christ was speaking to me through these pages: Don’t call unclean what God has declared clean. Set the oppressed free. I realized that in my own way I'd contributed to the injustice the Church had committed towards those who'd done nothing wrong but happened to be born gay: all the hurt and exclusion they'd experienced because of how evangelicals like me had treated them due to an overly simplistic reading of scripture and a failure to listen to what the Holy Spirit was really saying through God’s word.

In one small act of repentance I publicly “outed” myself on Facebook as an affirming evangelical and the reasons why. It was the least I could do towards correcting the injustice to gay people that in my own small way I'd contributed to. Some of my Christian Facebook friends fervently agreed with me. Some fervently disagreed. Most kept their counsel.

A few years later a young lesbian couple had started regularly attending our church’s services together with their infant son. They seemed a lovely couple and I was really pleased they’d seemed to have found a welcome in our church after much painful rejection from both personal and church family. The test for our church came when they asked our pastor if he would agree for the church to dedicate their son. He was minded to agree. However, for some traditionalists in our church there was only a short step between blessing their child and blessing his mothers’ relationship. Happily, a large majority of the church voted to allow the dedication.

We’d already committed ourselves to helping set up a new church. But I’d hoped we’d left our old church on a gradual road towards greater inclusivity. Sadly, the subsequent retirement of their pastor marked an about turn in the very opposite direction. By a large majority the church voted to only accept a new pastor who fully accepted the traditional understanding of marriage.

I didn’t engage further with the issue for a few years. I was now a convinced affirming evangelical. However, I was seeking publication of my fantasy novel in the USA, Magi-Legends of the Space Ark. I’d failed so far to find any takers in the mainstream, possibly because it was too “religious”. I was now trying the smaller but well-established US Christian literary market. I was well aware any traditionalist agents and publishers would run a mile from any writer with the “wrong” view on this issue. (Shamefully) therefore I took down all previous social media posts supporting same sex relationships. 

But I was recently called to re-examine my position on same sex relationships. The Church of England has been debating Prayers of Love and Faith. Meanwhile, Baptist churches, like mine, have been asked by our union whether individual churches should allow their ministers to enter same sex marriages. Our church's small leadership team therefore arranged an open discussion about same sex relationships.

In preparation for that, on recommendation from our previous church's pastor, I read Love is an Orientation by Andrew Marin; the same guy I’d heard 20 years ago sharing his amazing ministry among the gay community of Chicago. As a young conservative evangelical Christian he received God's call to this mission when, remarkably (I'd say miraculously), three of his best friends came out to him as gay at the same time. Notably, Andrew still refused to express any opinion about where he stood on same sex relationships. He simply shared Jesus with the gay people of Chicago in a loving, non-judgmental way. He described leading hundreds of gay people to Christ and then let His Holy Spirit do the rest. He believed it was His job, not his job, to convict them of any sin in their lives, whether sexual or otherwise. A few individuals described the Lord leading them away from same sex relationships. But many more remained in same sex relationships, yet testified to Christ enriching their lives and relationships.

 

For me this chimed with what Matthew Vines had written and my own very limited personal experience of leading a gay man to Christ 19 years earlier. There were arguments to be made for both the traditionalist and inclusive interpretations of scripture. But wasn’t the real truth test in the fruit? By their fruit you will know them, said Jesus. Hadn’t God Himself spoken what He thought on this issue through His Holy Spirit? By the transformational difference He’d made in the lives of gay people who accepted His gospel, even when they remained in same sex relationships? 

I also read a more deeply theological work, Bible Gender Sexuality, by the theologian James Brownson. James had gone through his own interesting journey on this issue . He'd always accepted the traditional evangelical position about homosexuality and marriage without ever seriously questioning it. Then he was hit by a lightning bolt: his 18 year old son came out to him as gay.  His son was a happy, popular and successful, Christian young man, brought up in a loving home, with a great relationship with both his parents (much like Matthew Vines). He fitted none of the traditionalist models for how people could be "warped" into homosexuality by negative childhood experiences.

James felt forced to properly examine what the Bible really had to say on gender and sexuality in a way he never had before. He didn't jettison any scripture, which he still fully accepted as God's word. But he carefully researched the evidence to get the most accurate understanding he could of the key Hebrew and Greek verses. He then tried to discern the underlying moral logic of those verses given their cultural context and how they applied to us in our different cultural context today. And he did this in a systematic way to understand how these verses fitted within the whole arc of scripture and the direction the Holy Spirit was leading us to in God’s Kingdom on Earth. His overall conclusions were very similar to Matthew Vines'. 

I must confess to skim-reading James's quite lengthy chapter 11 on Paul's use of the Greek word for nature ("physus"), because by this point it was only a day before our meeting. What I hadn't realised was this was probably the book's most important chapter!

The meeting was not easy. Different views were passionately expressed by myself and others.

 

Those arguing for the traditional interpretation did so from a place of genuine faith and love, including for gay people. Their essential case was:

• All same sex physical relationships were a serious sin contrary to scripture, which prevented people being saved. 
• Marriage between people of the same sex could never align with God’s will, because marriage could only be between a man and a woman in complementarian roles that modelled Christ and His church. 
• People were not simply born gay;  it was something that happened to them due to human influences and choices. 
• It wasn't sinful to have a same sex orientation but it was sinful to choose to act upon it.
• People with such an orientation needed to be helped and healed from that condition, if possible, or if not to accept a life of celibacy.
• Unless they repented of any same sex physical relationship it wasn’t possible for them to become Christians. 
• To allow or encourage gay people in same sex relationships wasn’t loving, because it was perpetuating them in something that did them a great deal of harm, physically and spiritually.
• If you then let same sex couples bring up children this would harm those children. 
• It was only in western churches, they claimed, where the church was contracting, that this biblical view of same sex relationships was being challenged. In the rest of the world, where the church was actually growing, this position was universally accepted.

Following the meeting there was a Whatsapp exchange of Youtube videos. I shared what I thought was an instructive video from Matthew Vines. Someone else shared a video from a traditionalist speaker that she’d found particularly helpful in understanding the Greek and Hebrew in the key verses.

So far I’d heard nothing to change my views.There was almost nothing I hadn't said myself 20 + years ago. But, as I’d freely acknowledged, I was either wrong now or wrong then, so I was clearly capable of getting this issue wrong. Scripture encouraged us to “test all things”. I needed to be as sure as I possibly could be about what the Lord’s will was on this really important issue.

I prayed: Lord, please give me wisdom. Was I right in what I first believed or what I believed since or is the truth somewhere in-between? And so I searched and researched, I thought and I prayed. The pieces that follow are the outcome of that search.

Although I’m no theologian, in re-examining this issue, I’ve brought my own skills and experience to bear. This includes over 30 years as a successful litigation lawyer, used to weighing expert, documentary and witness evidence; a rather obsessive and dogged personality, looking at things more exhaustively and exhaustingly than most people do or can (often to my wife’s despair!); and my blessing and curse to often see and join the hidden dots invisible to others (but admittedly occasionally seeing dots that aren’t really there at all!). None of this guarantees I’ve got it right. I can only try my best to find the truth on any issue with (I hope) the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The traditionalist speaker’s video my friend shared focused on the key Old Testament passages concerning same sex relationships. He did this as a direct response to Matthew Vines’ case, which he sought to dismantle piece by piece. I listened very carefully, pausing to make sure I’d understood what was said and making extensive notes, including points to research and check against evidence he quoted, just as I would with an expert’s report in one of my cases. I then researched the available evidence to see if they supported his conclusions or the affirming position or somewhere in between. (See what I found in my part three).

I then recognized I needed to watch his second video on the key New Testament passages (which my friend hadn't shared). I carried out the same painstaking process for this. (See what I found in my part four).

I then felt I should see what insight I could get from a very wise, old evangelical theologian and teacher I greatly respected, John Stott. He had passed onto glory in 2011. But not before  he had shared his own wisdom on the issue in a book simply entitled, Same Sex Relationships. John had been a, if not the, leading evangelical teacher in the country at the same time when his friend, Roy Clements, had his own flourishing ministry in the 1980s and 90s.

As a student, like many others, I'd been greatly blessed by his seminal work, The Cross Of Christ. John had also helped found the great global evangelical work of the Lausanne movement. But he wasn't afraid to step outside traditional church teaching where he believed it was contrary to scripture. And he had certainly influenced my own change of view over the nature of hell to being a place of eternal annihilation rather than eternal conscious torment. 

I already knew John had taken a conservative view of same sex relationships, because I was aware that back in 1999 he'd written to his friend Roy Clements, urging him to repent of his sinful same sex relationship and return to his personal and church family. At the date he died John's views would have aligned with my own but our views had clearly diverged since. However, his wisdom had previously caused me to change views on other issues. I was therefore keen to read what he said on same sex relationships in case he showed up things I'd overlooked or misunderstood on the issue and caused me to see that my recent view was not God's view. He hadn't persuade Roy Clements but perhaps he might persuade me.

Within my parts 3 to 6 I will include my own understanding of John Stott's case and whether and why I agreed or disagreed with him.

But I realized there was plenty more I needed to explore outside scripture. Both sides said that what confirmed their position was God’s position was the fruit of these two different teachings, good and bad. After all, this is scripture’s own test for true or false teaching (Matthew 7: 15-20) as applied by the apostles themselves (Acts 10: 44-48). To do that involved me looking into areas as diverse as medical science, human genetics, zoology, social sciences, anthropology, ancient history and literature.

On none of these things do I claim to be an expert. You’d need to have PhDs across multiple subjects to claim expertise on all these things! However, as a litigation lawyer, I was well aware that experts often disagree and I believe my legal experience has prepared me quite well for weighing opposing expert evidence. (See what I found in part five).

In my final part (part six) I set out my overall conclusions and my reasons for them .    

But before then, in my part two, I want to look at how we prepare for entering this minefield. How can we best set ourselves up to hear Gods voice? What trips and traps do we need to look out for and avoid? Where can we find lode stars to help guide our way?

Just as importantly, how do we deal with disagreement? However sure we may feel that we’ve got this issue right, being right isn’t enough. It’s possible to be right but do it entirely wrongly; with arrogance, bitterness and derision, rather than with the grace and humility of our saviour. How do we disagree “well”?

After all, although it might not feel like it sometimes, we’re actually on the same side here. Our real enemy we’re fighting is Satan, against whom we’re trying to save lives from being blown up by his land mines. Though sadly we don’t always agree on where those mines are laid.

But if you’ve accepted the church’s traditional teaching on same sex relationships, I’d challenge you to re-examine that position, just as others challenged me. Ask His Holy Spirit to guide as you look afresh at the evidence of His word, as originally written, and the evidence of the fruit of the different teachings, scripture’s ultimate test for true or false teaching (Matthew 7:15-20). 

If having re-examined the evidence you conclude your position was right, then you’ll have a clear conscience to stand by that and encourage people away from harmful same sex relationships.

But I hope ,if you properly examine the evidence with a truly open heart and mind, you’ll find the church has got its traditional teaching about same sex relationships wrong; just like it once got it wrong over slavery and women. And I hope, like me, you’ll hear the Holy Spirit calling to us, just as He did for slaves and women, to free gay and bisexual people from the chains we've put around them.